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A Tam Brahm’s guide to marriage

Over the years, the tam brahm has been stereotyped in more ways than one. Most of the stereotypes are true and nothing to be ashamed of. If we were all alike, there would be nothing to write, nothing to gossip about, nothing that will make us stand apart from each other. Here are a few observations about the state of marriage for a tam brahm.

First, in a tam brahm wedding, very few people are actually interested in the wedding. What they are really interested in is who is going to get married next. If you are single and in your twenties, you are doomed. Inevitably, you will find these maamis , who act as scouts and whose lifetime goals consist in finding out the following:

a) What’s your age?
b) When do you plan to get married?
c) Are you going to the USA?
d) Are you traditional?
e) Are you dating?

Somehow, they will find out. And before you know it, a suitable suitor will be flashed in front of you. Your time starts.... now.

Second, if you are a boy, you should be a software engineer. Any lesser profession is demeaning. You should have studied engineering and then, only then will you be worthy of a respectable tam brahm girl. Of course, at some point you have to go to the US. Doesn’t matter for what. Just go.

If you are a girl, you must know or at some point of time, at least be acquainted with the following – wearing a nine yard sari, learning Carnatic classical music (vocal or instrumental), keeping golu, and making good parpoosali curry and vettha kozhambu. Only then will you be worthy of a respectable tam brahm boy.

Third, you have to feign ignorance of non-vegetarian food. Despicable, really, this meat eating.

Fourth, you have to write GRE or tell everybody you are preparing for GRE. This is extremely important as it is the critical link between the past and future. This gives you great respectability in the marriage marketplace too.

Fifth, for guys, you have to know sandhya vandanam. It is rites of passage for most guys, who do it the first and last time after their thread ceremony. If you don’t know it, learn it. If you know it, gloat about it.

Sixth, you are always fair in your matrimonial ad. Go figure.

Seventh, you must know the difference between all the castes and sub-castes. Start off with knowing the difference between an iyer and an iyengar. Then learn about what makes each sub-caste unique. Then tell your folks you are marrying a Latvian.

Eighth, Thair sadam is the unequivocal national dish of the Tam Brahms. To say otherwise will invite censure. 


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